I simply have to start with this video. Definitely how Bill is feeling right about now:

I also recommend the full video, found at the bottom.

You know, it’s really no shocker that Fox News faces these allegations. However, I will begin by stressing my reservations in believing any of these celebrity-accused-by-someone-who-just-lost-their-job of some [usually] sexual assault charge. That being said, I still think it’s pretty much a guarantee that something happened – especially when you’re accused by 5 lady coworkers and tally up a whopping $13 million in settlements. And that’s the biggest problem, nobody heard of it. When someone needs to pay that much so not a word is leaked out, I naturally become highly suspicious of that person. That might have something to do with my tenure at Penn State, my freshman year being the Grand Reveal of Uncle Sandusky’s child molestation charges and the possible Joe Paterno and every-fucking-one else’s coverup of just about the worst thing you can do.

And if you look at it, I mean really look at it, it makes sense. It’s easy to jump to “What a lying bitch!” or “Dumb bitch. What a shame. Bill O’Reilly is a great, white man.” I might be guilty of some form of these initial thoughts as well. However, everyone at Fox News just kinda seems like the few-in-the-bag sexual assaulters, if even just verbally. So, then comes the question: what constitutes sexual assault? Have I sexually assaulted? I mean, I’ve said some shit, that’s for sure. Nothing beyond that. But have words become capable of unapproved penetration in a court of law? Is this from a fragile-minded snowflake generation that’s turned the very serious case of physical rape into a generalization of the word, umbrella-ing even some probably harmless banter from a drunk, sexually-frustrated egomaniac? It’s possible. I’m sure at the least, some aggressive and slurred words were spoken in a desperate and creepy old white guy way. These old guys just don’t give a fuck.

I do think it’s great how even a revered guy (by conservatives) can be so basic as to say “Let’s get out of here. Come back to my suite,” as Wendy Walsh accused. Or even better, “It puts the loofah on the skin,” or some shit like that. And you know this is just ammunition for all extremely liberal Hillary-tittie-suckers and that whole crowd. Points for the liberals again. These conservatives got a shot at the White House and Congress, and it all seems to be proving why they haven’t had ‘the guy’ for 8 years. There is still time to make up some point, but it’s gonna be hard. The liberals are out to a big early lead in the 1st quarter.

Wendy (WENDY! read in high pitch voice) also seems like a pretty horny doctor if you ask me. “Nobody makes it to six weeks” when talking about being sexlessness in a relationship. She knows what’s good. She might’ve reached for that loofah later on. You never know.

Oh, and Fox News chief Roger Ailes was also accused, but you know this guy fucking did it. Just look at him. Nice suit though.

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Full Bill freakout here:

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